Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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