did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
