I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize