I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
