Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
