She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
