just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
