You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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