I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
