Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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