69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
