I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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