i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
