I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
