The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
