I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
