Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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