I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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