she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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