Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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