we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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