think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Randomize
