Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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