Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
