There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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