Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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