i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
