a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
