you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
