I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
