he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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