better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
