i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
