You're earring is so big in my mouth
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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