Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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