This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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