Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
