i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
