Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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