I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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