doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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