i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
