she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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