oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
