She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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