now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
