I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
