Small penises have feelings too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
