I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
