she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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