just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I believe in your delicious
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
