I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
