its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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