even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
