Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
