please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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