It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
