You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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