i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
