if you like me you must not know who I am
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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