I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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