I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
