I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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