I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
