can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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