My first STD was from a foam party
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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