Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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