I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
