You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
