I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
