Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
