Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
