I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
