Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
